Navigating the Contradiction of Infant Sleep

To sleep train or not to sleep train is the question most parents have on their minds. Infant sleep can puzzle parents with conflicting advice, leaving uncertainty about how to tackle sleep issues and their own well-being.

The internet, often the primary source of information for many, flooded them with conflicting views on this crucial aspect of child rearing.

On one end of the spectrum, parents may find advice supporting sleep training as the only path to restful nights for both baby and parents.

Conversely, they might stumble upon research that claims such training could harm the baby, stress the importance of secure attachment, and meet every infant’s need throughout the night.

Indeed, when exploring parenting resources, you’ll run into blogs, articles, and research that present different thoughts on topics like sleep training, self-settling, and co-regulation.

This abundance of contradictory information leaves parents feeling paralyzed and uncertain about addressing their child’s sleep issues and the impact on their well-being.

1. How does sleep deprivation affect a mother, caregiver, or guardian?
2. Let’s clarify some key concepts related to infant sleep.
3. What options are available to improve sleep?
4. When is a good time to start working on infant sleep?
5. How can we get a more middle-of-the-road approach that meets the needs of both babies and mothers without guilt?
6. Conclusion

1. How does sleep deprivation affect a mother, caregiver, or guardian?

The consequences of sleep deprivation, especially for mothers and caregivers who tend to their infants around the clock, can be overwhelming. It leads to a constant cycle of exhaustion, anxiety, and even depression. Some may even grapple with health issues arising from persistent sleep disturbances.

In this intricate web of opposing advice and emotional turmoil, it is vital to unravel the truths and myths around infant sleep and strive for a balanced approach that prioritizes both the infant’s needs and the well-being of parents.

Understanding infant sleep is complex and influenced by various factors like sleep environment, baby temperament, and parenting style. This problem makes it challenging to find definitive research supporting one approach over another, leaving parents grappling with uncertainty.

2. Let’s clarify some key concepts related to infant sleep.

• Sleep Training: This term refers to various methods and techniques aimed at helping babies and young children learn to sleep independently and develop healthy sleep habits. These methods can include Cry it Out, Controlled Crying, Gradual Withdrawal, Fading Methods, Gentle Sleep Training, or Baby-Led Sleep, depending on the parents’ chosen approach.
• Read our Blog on Available sleep Training methods.

• Self-Soothing or Self-Settling: It is the process through which infants or children learn to manage their emotions, achieving a calm state that enables them to fall asleep independently. The ability to self-soothe typically develops gradually and varies from child to child.

• Co-Regulation: This involves interactions where one person helps soothe and stabilize the emotional state of another who is distressed, and it is believed to be beneficial for infants and children as it teaches them valuable emotional skills.

The significant challenge parents face is finding a balance between meeting the needs of the baby, being available for co-regulation, and the need for the baby to develop self-settling skills.

Striking this balance can be especially hard in the context of sleep routines, leading to questions about how to achieve independent sleep without overwhelming guilt and navigating all the opposing opinions, especially around the concepts above.

Societal expectations and pressures further complicate this challenge as we see moms on social media with strong opinions on infant sleep, thus making it crucial to trust parental intuition while navigating external demands and judgments.

It’s important to acknowledge that the parenting journey is unique for each family, and what works for one may not work for another.

There's no one-size-fits-all solution, and there's room for flexibility in your approach.

3.What options are available to improve sleep?

There are various options available to help parents make informed decisions that support their well-being and their child’s sleep needs.

Have a look at our Online: The Gentle Sleep Way Course a self-paced no-sleep training approach

• Co-sleeping: Co-sleeping is a practice where a baby or child sleeps in close proximity to their parents or caregivers, typically in the same bed. It can be intentional, such as sharing a bed, or unintentional, like when a baby falls asleep while nursing and stays in the parent’s bed. Co-sleeping is a common practice in many cultures and can have both benefits and potential risks. Proponents argue that it promotes bonding and makes nighttime breastfeeding more accessible. However, critics express concerns about safety, such as the risk of accidental suffocation or overheating, and believe it may hinder a child’s ability to learn independent sleep habits. The safety and appropriateness of co-sleeping depend on various factors, including the child’s age, sleep environment, and parental awareness of safety guidelines.
• Room Sharing: Room sharing with a baby involves having the baby sleep in the same room as the parents or caregivers but in a separate sleep space, such as a crib, bassinet, or a designated co-sleeper attachment. This practice is recommended by health organizations like the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) to reduce the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) and enhance the safety of infant sleep. Room sharing allows parents to monitor and attend to their baby’s needs during the night while providing a separate sleep environment that minimizes the risk of suffocation or other sleep-related hazards. It promotes bonding and facilitates nighttime feedings, making it a widely encouraged approach to infant sleep in the first several months of life.
• Baby-led sleep: Baby-led sleep is an approach to infant sleep that emphasizes allowing the baby to determine their own sleep patterns and routines rather than imposing a strict schedule or sleep training methods. In baby-led sleep, parents are attentive to their baby’s cues and respond to their needs as they arise, such as feeding, comforting, and soothing, without trying to impose specific sleep schedules or routines. This approach acknowledges that each baby is unique and may have different sleep patterns and needs. Baby-led sleep encourages parents to be responsive and flexible, aiming to create a nurturing and secure sleep environment that promotes the baby’s natural sleep development. It contrasts with more structured sleep training methods that involve parents guiding or training the baby to sleep on a predetermined schedule or through specific techniques.
• Sleep Training:
  • Shush-pat method: The “shush-pat” method is a sleep training technique used to teach babies how to fall asleep independently. It involves gently patting the baby’s back or bottom while making a soothing “shushing” sound to comfort and reassure them as they settle down to sleep. Parents often use this method alongside the practice of placing the baby in their crib while they are drowsy but still awake.The goal is to gradually reduce the level of patting and shushing over time, allowing the baby to learn self-soothing techniques and fall asleep without relying on constant parental intervention. The shush-pat method is considered a gentler approach to sleep training compared to “cry it out” methods and is designed to help babies develop healthy sleep habits while minimizing crying.
  • Pick up Put down: The “pick-up, put-down” method is a sleep training technique used to teach babies how to fall asleep independently. It involves picking the baby up when they cry or fuss and soothing them until they are calm but not fully asleep. Once the baby calms down, gently place them back into their crib or sleep environment. Repeat this process as needed until the baby learns to self-soothe and falls asleep without being held or rocked. The aim is to progressively decrease the time the baby is held and increase their self-soothing time in the crib. The pick-up-put-down method is viewed as a gradual and responsive approach to sleep training, focusing on nurturing a baby’s self-soothing abilities while minimizing crying.
  • Gradual fading/withdrawal/chair method: Parents or caregivers use the chair sleep training method to teach babies how to fall asleep independently. They place a chair next to the baby’s crib and sit in it while the baby falls asleep. Initially, the parent may provide soothing and comforting techniques, such as gentle patting or shushing, to help the baby settle. As the baby gets more used to falling asleep without being held, the parent progressively decreases their level of intervention. Over time, the parent moves the chair farther away from the crib until they are eventually outside the room while the baby falls asleep on their own. The chair sleep training method aims to transition the baby from needing active parental involvement to self-soothing and falling asleep independently, while still providing comfort and reassurance during the process.
  • Ferber Method/Spaced Soothing/Timed Checks: The Ferber sleep training method, also called “Ferberization,” helps babies learn independent sleep and self-soothing. Parents place the baby in the crib and wait before comforting and reassuring the baby. The waiting periods gradually increase (e.g., 3, 5, 10, 15 minutes) as the baby learns to self-soothe and sleep independently. It aims to reduce nighttime interventions while promoting self-soothing skills. Parents should use the method when the baby is developmentally ready, and it is not suitable for very young infants. Parents offer reassurance and comfort during checks. It is important for parents to provide love and comfort during the process while also encouraging the baby to learn to sleep independently.
  • Cry it Out: Parents place an awake baby in the crib, allowing the baby to self-soothe and fall asleep without checking on them if they cry.

Read our Blog on All your sleep training questions answered

However, the idea that this uncertainty should lead us to avoid sleep training is flawed. Among other things, you could easily argue the opposite: maybe sleep training is very good for some kids—they really need the uninterrupted sleep—and there is a risk of damaging your child by not sleep training. There isn’t anything in the data which shows this, but there is similarly nothing to show that sleep training is bad.

Emily Oster, Crib Sheet

4. How do we find a balanced approach that satisfies both babies and mothers, without causing overwhelm and guilt?

Our firm belief is that the answer often lies in this middle ground: uncovering an approach that feels right for your family and genuinely works, and finding someone who can help you figure it out.

Rather than feeling pressured to choose a side, consider taking a more nuanced approach that aligns with your values, your child’s needs, and your own well-being.

It’s perfectly acceptable to draw insights from various sources and adapt strategies to fit your family’s specific circumstances.

Ultimately, your intuition and understanding of your child will play a significant role in shaping your approach to sleep and parenting.

The goal is to create a balanced and nurturing environment that supports both your child's sleep development and your own well-being as a parent.

If parents are unsure or doubtful about sleep training, it’s better to explore alternatives, such as a baby-led sleep approach or a gentler method.

6. Our Conclusion

To answer your question, To Sleep Train or Not to Sleep Train ultimately depends on your family’s needs and preferences.

At Brave Little Baby, our mission is to provide unwavering support to parents, helping them discover an approach that aligns with their values and goals, free from guilt and external pressures.

We believe that there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Instead, we promote collaborative approaches tailored to the unique needs of both parents and children.

We aim to discover the middle path where we meet your ideals without the need for comparisons. Every family brings diverse cultural backgrounds and parenting experiences, which we respect.

How we can help:

• Free 15 min Chat with one of our team members
• Newborn Sleep Help: Remove all anxiety and create healthy sleep habits from the start. (NO SLEEP TRAINING)
• The Gentle Sleep Way Self a self-paced course. (NO SLEEP TRAINING)
• One on One Sleep Coaching: guiding you every step of the way with a sleep coach of your choice. A personal and tailor-made approach with baby temperament, parenting style and values considered

Free resources are available on Instagram and our website:

1. FREE ROUTINE
2. SETTLE YOUR NEWBORN
3. HELP WITH NIGHT-WAKINGS

Reference list:

Cribsheet: A Data-Driven Guide to Better, More Relaxed Parenting, from Birth to Preschool by Emily Oster

BBC: What really happens when babies are left to cry it out? Author: By Amanda Ruggeri 30th March 2022

Nighttime sleep-wake patterns and self-soothing from birth to one year of age: a longitudinal intervention study. Authors: Melissa M. Burnham, Beth L. Goodlin-Jones, Erika E. Gaylor, and Thomas F. Anders

Infant sleep as a topic in healthcare guidance of parents, prenatally and the first 6 months after birth: a scoping review. Authors: Inger Pauline Landsem^1,2 and Nina Bøhle Cheetham¹

Effectiveness of behavioral sleep interventions on children’s and mothers’ sleep quality and maternal depression: a systematic review and meta-analysis: Authors: Jeongok Park, Soo Yeon Kim & Kyoungjin Lee

Infant sleep training: rest easy?Authors: Christina Korownyk and Adrienne J. Lindblad, Canadian Family Physician January 2018, 64 (1) 41;

Feed your baby to sleep – The possums sleep intervention new recommendations

by Nicole Weeks | Aug 25, 2014 | Baby, Blog, Sleep, Toddler 

Centre on the developing child – Harvard University : Toxic Stress

Real-World Implementation of Infant Behavioral Sleep Interventions: Results of a Parental Survey

Sarah M Honaker ¹, Amy J Schwichtenberg ², Tamar A Kreps ³, Jodi A Mindell ⁴

Behavioral Interventions for Infant Sleep Problems: A Randomized Controlled Trial:

Michael Gradisar, PhD; Kate Jackson, PhD; Nicola J. Spurrier, PhD; Joyce Gibson, MNutrDiet; Justine Whitham, PhD; Anne Sved Williams, MBBS;Robyn Dolby, PhD;David J. Kennaway, PhD

Five-Year Follow-up of Harms and Benefits of Behavioral Infant Sleep Intervention: Randomized Trial Anna M.H. Price, BA(Hons); Melissa Wake, MB BS; Obioha C. Ukoumunne, PhD; Harriet Hiscock, MB BS